my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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