So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
