if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize