Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
