your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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