Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize