I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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