woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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