My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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