Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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