Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
