Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize