It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
