so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
