If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
