dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize