Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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