I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
