Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
