If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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