U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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