I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
