Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
