Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
