i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
