omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
