dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
