No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
