Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
