i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
