So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
