Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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