Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
