6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
