I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize