so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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