So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
