positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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