I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
