either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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