I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
