Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize