Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
