If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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