What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize