it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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