my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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