remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
