I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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