Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
