you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
