fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize