Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
