Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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