is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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