Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
