Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
