I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
