do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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