Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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