I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
