You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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